The Not-So-Dirty Dozen: Dance Music’s Hottest DJs (Rarw!)

Girls need eye candy when partying, too, and this whole sweaty bro in an ironic tutu thing just isn’t doing it for us. So since DJs are the new rockstars, the ladies over here at DJOYbeat decided to compile their choices for the most drool-worthy DJs… or at least the ones we’d proudly hang a snapshot of in our lockers and practice making out with if we were still 16.

Who are we kidding? We licked the computer screen a few times during the compilation of this list. Read on and tell us if we missed your favorite hottie in the comments section below.

Since a heated argument ensued in our office when simply trying to narrow this list down (you’d think we were picking the next person to run for president), alphabetical order seemed the fairest ranking for this totally b.s. list. Starting off, may as well go with a model. Well, former model. After all, wouldn’t it be a “Teenage Crime” not to include Adrian Lux? (Sorry, that was a bad joke.)

Maybe this only works for girls describing guys, but “dirty hot” is a thing. Like, designer hot, where a guy is still stylish but thankfully not stinky. Or a guy could be, we’ve just never smelled Axwell (only Steve Angello; he smelled freshly showered). No matter, Axwell is on the list with his cool, mysterious gaze. Or maybe it’s just really well-groomed eyebrows.

With a sexy little accent that’s a cross between his Serbian and Australian influences, Dirty South‘s hotness is only increased by the fact that he’s a polite gentleman to boot. Plus he’s one of the few married gents in the scene that we’ve never seen messing around on his wife, so triple bonus points for that!

Those rudimentary drawings for the “Turn Down For What” single first made us picture the average nerdy white boy. But then, hello! What have we here? DJ Snake‘s perfect jawline gets an entry of its own in this list! We’d be his “Government Hooker” any day!

Those Dutch dudes not only have it going on in the music department, but they’re doing well in the looks department, too (however you may notice a certain Ralph Lauren “model” DJ didn’t make the list, mwaahaahaa). Don Diablo has us drooling, even if his press shots make him seem like kinda a douche. Let us know if he’s a nice guy or not in the comments section below.

Double the pleasure, double the fun with the duo that embodies “eye candy.” It is in their name and all that (though it was actually a name related to a club back home and blah, blah, blah). Why do guys get to have all the fun dreaming about twins? Sure, people may hate on the EC Twins for taking their shirts off during sets sometimes (though we haven’t seem them do that in forever, maybe they got too much flack). But ladies don’t mind, especially now that the guys have been working on those abs. And their asses. We totally got to see their naked derrieres in their recent video for “Set the World on Fire“! They can make a sandwich out of us anytime.

‘Ello, poppet! If you have a British accent, hotness is automatically increased, but great music helps, too. Gareth Emery has both. And the ladies love him, waving signs asking for him to marry them and whatnot. Spoiler alert: Emery got hitched and his wife is lovely. So does it bother her, all these drunk girls trying to get up on her husband? “I’ll worry when they stop,” Kat, his wife, once told us. Good point. We’ll continue throwing panties.

Maybe it’s because we want to corrupt this Mormon lad, but Kaskade has that boy-next-door charm we can’t resist. Maybe it’s because we know how good he is at resisting the evil temptations of the EDM party life while still loving the music. That’s right: no booze, no drugs, no cigarettes for this married man. Wanna win his heart (in a totally platonic way)? Whole Foods. Buy him lots and lots of organic salsa. Oh, and sweets. He loves candy and Coca-Cola. You’re welcome, stalkers.

“WTF?” you’re probably thinking. “Did they accidentally post the wrong picture?” Nope. We really did mean Maya Jane Coles. There’s just something badass-yet-adorable about her (thought that pseudo-Skrillex haircut needs some work). Obviously she’s a killer force in the underground scene, plus we wanted to shoutout a chick that actually DJs, not one of these fake Playboy playmate wannabes. We’d go gay for a day if she was around.

Sorry, Ryan Marciano, it’s Sunnery James that’s the half of the duo that made the list. That is one beautiful man. His model wife, Doutzen Kroes, also makes us flustered, but that might just be because we wish we had all that Victoria’s Secret swag.

No one rocks a 5 o’clock shadow and a black V-neck better than our boy Trent Cantrelle. Precision. We also learned everything we know about tech house from his Sounds Like sets. If playing good music is sexy, then here’s one DJ that’s always got it going on!

Yeah, we know DJ Hanzel is just Dillon Francis‘ alter ego, but the way he always wants to go “one deeper”? We suddenly want to drop our drawers. Or maybe it’s because a sense of humor still holds something for us, more than washboard abs ever will. No matter, we’d hit that. Hey Hanzel, we’re waiting with a bowl of Chanel Cocoas.